Feeling Full

Lately I've been feeling extra full as my belly continues to grow! and my emotions are a lil wild. I have found that I am quite hardend...like my severly burned patients usually dont get to me. When I take care of patients I try to not get to know what kind of person they are before the accident. This helps me to stay detached. If I know how special then I become vulnerable and cant provide the best care but lately I struggle with feeling so sorry for them and struggle with the question of why did this tragedy happen? Why is the person suffering? and lately when I tell people I am a burn nurse and they say Oh how do you do that, I find myself asking yah? why am I doing this?
All this questioning leads me to my cousin Kim. Tears come easily when I think of Kim. She now appears sick, has no energy and her desire to be apart of the world is fading. She is angry and I dont blame her.....i find myself a lil angry. Im faced with tragedy everyday at work and even more saddness when I think of what Kim is facing.
But maybe these emotions are in a knot due to my lil one. Im usually not this sensitive and during these difficult emotions, I am so thankful to have the blessing of being pregnant! sooo thankful, like I dont deserve this lil gift Im about to receive! I cant wait till the baby is here! 13 more weeks to go :)

Oh my aching feet!

Im just over 23 weeks pregnant! Hard to believe! I am trying hard to embrace the moment....difficult to do when I feel like a lil elephant!
It is so exciting to think that Im just over 1/2 way to my due date! September 23rd! I cant wait till the baby is here!!!!!!!
I am feeling the baby move more and I cant help but notice that I have the biggest smile when I feel the baby......a smile like I just won the lottery! Its amazing.
Been working extra to pay for Cali. It will be so nice to get away. Cant wait for the ocean breeze. Works a lil rough. Sometimes I pray for my feet to stop pounding with aches and pains. My feet are like lil sausages when I get home from work but I know that its all worth it!

5:15 am Job search

Looks like I am cancelled from work again today. Well at least I will get 2 shifts in this week. I am going to try to apply for another job today. I believe I am done with registry. Its been a year that I have been off and on working registry and yes the $ is very good but it is also unreliable and stressful. I did it mostly because I was proud of myself to think that I could get thrown to the wolves and survive...but now I just realize that its to much stress and I would prefer not to have any extra stress right now; especially if I can help it.

I would like to find another job where I could just work there 2-4 times per month and I would like to find an ER to do that in. I will put out my application and see what happens.

We are (and by we I mean Eli, my dad and uncle Kirby) are putting in concrete counters in the kitchen. It is very exciting and I cannot wait until they are done. We had these old, outdated counters. I think that the concrete will look really cool!

I am finally looking pregnant! and wearing maternity clothes. It is so exciting to see my bump grow. We had our 19 week ultrasound last Thursday....awesome! It makes it so real! I have to have another one done on the 14th because the ultrasound tech couldnt see the cord or the heart very well but thought this was because I had a bad cold and was dehydrated. So it will be exciting to see the lil one again! Cant wait! It has been so awesome because Eli has been able to make it to every appointment with me and it that more exciting to have him by my side!

Long Day

Today was a long day filled with tears and good memories. It was Keith Mayberry's funeral. A tear jerker. I ususally find myself in a really bad mood. I think its the fighting away the tears that gives me a headache and the guilt that I felt that I wasnt really that sad.....Keith was 80 and lived a good life. Makes me realize that working in the ICU makes you kinda hard.....death of an elderly person who lived a good life gives me peace of mind not saddness.
And I feel the joy of the new life within me and cant wait for our baby to be born. Cant wait to feel the first kick! Im 17 weeks now.
Kim has had really amazing news, cancer is not showing in her lungs and now is only in a small portion of her liver. She will be have surgery soon to remove the tumor in her colon. It's awesome!

Cancelled from work today

Got that call again at 5 am that the Burn Center didnt need me. Sounds nice....dont have to go to work today. But bad for the wallet and Eli is at work today so here I am home alone with a head full of things that I can do today.
Maybe go look at a new dishwasher and sink. We need both oh and a garbage disposal.
I really would like to be cancelled on days that Eli is off but it never seems to work out that way. I think to myself, pretty soon I wont be home alone on days like this. I will have a lil one by my side! that will be so exciting!
Almost 15 weeks pregnant! We still have not decided on a girls name. Its tough, we go back and forth with names we like but there hasnt been one that has stuck.
Well I think I will take the barking dogs for a walk and maybe head to lowes after......who knows what I will do with this day?

First blog entry

I took care of Stephanie Nielson in the AZ Burn Center (I'm an RN) and I can remember her family telling me that she was a blogger.....what's a blog?
Everyone would tell me how interesting her blog was; it was mostly about motherhood but still I never read it.
It wasnt until Stephanie made her way back to Utah that I finally read her blog.
Caring for Stephanie and reading her blog have been a blessing in my life.
It has helped me to keep in mind what is really important in life.
It has helped me to learn to love myself.

I keep telling myself....I need to start a blog.....ummmm what for????
I dont know, I guess to write my thoughts down.
I guess nows a better time than ever.
Im 14 weeks pregnant and want to journal my thoughts so that someday my lil one can read em over and laugh.

So here goes.....That was my first blog entry.....hopefully the ones that follow will be more interesting......thanks for the inspiration Stephanie.